Unlike their disenfranchised ancestors, a modern woman has more opportunities. We can choose our own husband for ourselves, work there, where only men were allowed before, to have children or to deliberately abandon motherhood. Despite tangible progress, a woman who by the age of 30 has not acquired a child looks askance and suspiciously. Adjective “successful” to women who have dedicated their lives to children, is not used. Admission and respect goes to those who managed to combine work and home. What makes one postpone the birth of a child, why others refuse to work and whether it is possible to combine career and child without sacrifices, correspondents of SHE found out.
Traditionally, the most favorable age for the birth of a child is a period of 20 to 30 years. At this age, the risk of miscarriage is minimal and the birth itself is easier. However, more recently, American scientists have established that the ideal age for the birth of the firstborn is 34 years. In their opinion, at 34 the woman is more attentive to her health and has a constant sexual partner. In addition, a woman at this age has more favorable financial and social conditions, which is most often achieved through a career.
Bright and successful
The feminists declared a new role for women. To be successful, it is not necessary to have a man with you, and marriage in the traditional sense only reduces the rights of women. The woman was not only a mother and a mistress, feminist supporters said, but to prove this, the ladies went to work.
Most often, a woman refuses to be housewife for the following reasons:
• Lack of money. When there is no money, no longer to feminism – you have nothing to eat, so you go to work.
• Satisfy your own ambitions. What pots and pots are there, if your mother has predicted a bright future for you? And besides, you have already spent more than one year trying to achieve this goal.
• Isolation.If the neighbors who are walking with children can not support the conversation about the last book of Umberto Eco, you can look for like-minded people elsewhere. The stereotype is even stronger, that a non-working woman degrades.
• Uncertainty in the partner. “Not trusting the ability of a man to satisfy her needs during pregnancy and the first years of a child’s life,” says Igor Lyakh, a psychotherapist at the Insight clinic, “or, choosing partners inadequately, the girls doomed themselves to an endless search for a sense of confidence in the material world. Often this leads to the loss of femininity and the acquisition of masculinity and aggressiveness. ”
“What there is demand, it seems the best,” – said the ancient Roman writer Petronius Arbitrator Guy.
Today, the demand for success – bright, independent, earn, self-confident women.
“Most often, the type of woman who is ready to abandon children in favor of a career, is already in school, if not earlier,” says Igor Lyakh. – This is due to the fact that the main value in the eyes of her parents was the social realization of the child – good grades in school, success in sports and so on. As a result, she will associate the feeling of the value of her “I” with success, personal achievements – professional, scientific, creative. ”
If a woman careerist gets a child, pots and diapers weighed upon her – she aspires to return to the usual way of life as soon as possible, compensating her absence with material benefits. “By building a system of values of life from consumption, one can overlook distortions in one’s worldview,” comments Igor Lyakh. –
No trips abroad, nor very large sums of money guarantee a full development of the child’s personality. Only the love and attention of parents, the time spent with him in an atmosphere of understanding and respect for his personality, can raise a child a full-fledged person. ”
I am a mother.
A female mother is a hyperbolized image of Nadezhda Kruglova from the film of the Soviet legacy “Once Twenty Years Later”. “I am a mother,” answers the main character, the mother of ten children, when asked about her achievements. A female mother takes the child’s upbringing and development process quite seriously, often putting aside the hikes to the solarium and the fitness club. According to Igor Lyakh, “this type has already become a rarity in modern society, especially in the urban environment.
Very often they are women of traditional education, who were brought up by mothers-housewives. As a rule, such girls unconsciously choose men held and wealthy, often older than themselves.
The ideal option for that type of marriage seems to be right after school. But more often such a woman goes through an intermediate social realization. She is somewhere studying or working, but the main goal is to find a partner, a breadwinner in the traditional sense, who will take on the social presentation of the family. ”
Most often, the “home” lifestyle of women is chosen for the following reasons:
• Constant communication with children – the opportunity to see their first steps, to hear the first words.
• Upbringing and development of children.Without using the services of educators, you can bring up the necessary qualities in a child, instill moral values that YOU seem to be important.
• Unwillingness to work. If you are financially protected, why not take care of children and your favorite business? When you lose 8-10 hours at work, hands do not reach the creativity or hobby.
Social rejection and misunderstanding of the choice to be only a mother is something that a woman devoted to herself will have to face. Parents, friends and acquaintances can try to guide you on the right path, stating that, without working, you will cease to develop.
The notion that a housewife woman is degrading as a person, says Igor Lyah, is closely linked to social stereotypes, unconscious manipulation by society, which is cultivated precisely by the image of a working woman. “
In addition, it is not uncommon for a female housewife to have no husband and is forced to look for work to feed her child. Often this happens against the background of a lack of work experience and mature age, which entails quite understandable problems.
In the morning – business, in the evening – children
And what about those who adore the child and love their work? A huge number of women – from the referents to the top managers – want to achieve better results in the family and in the careers. The first thing to do is to prioritize. If you are offered a new job, weigh the pros and cons: will you need to spend more time in the office, will there often be business trips? What happens if a child falls ill? Who will take him to the doctor? And if the nurse gets sick? Who and when will the house be occupied – shopping, cooking, cleaning? These issues need to be addressed with your husband – perhaps you will have to reorganize your family or work life.
If you decide to combine work and raise a child, you can help:
• Nanny or kindergarten.You will need them anyway. It is better if you have plan A and reserve plan B (it can be applied if plan A does not work – for example, if the child is sick).
• Flexible schedule. Ideally, if you can slip off work when you need to, and finish the work by the specified date, but when it’s convenient for you. This will allow you to spend more time with the child.
• The woman-boss. As a rule, she is very understanding about the purely female problems related to pregnancy and the life of the child. Although there are exceptions.
• Work at home.Such opportunities are not so many, but if you manage, to show creativity and mastery of diplomacy, you can succeed. You will need creative and diplomacy to come to an agreement not only with the employer, but also with the child who wants to watch cartoons in the company of his mother this very minute.
• Family business. This is a flexible schedule, and part-time work at home. In any case, you will see your household more often.
Getting in the same situation, everyone makes their choice. It is necessary to understand what is right for you. What are you willing to spend your time and energy on? What role does the career play in your life? What is success for you?
We all sacrifice something to get what we want in the end. Women holding high positions often work without days off, but they spend less time with their families. Moms who choose their home life, see their children around the clock, but do not become part of the energy flow outside their home. The main thing is to choose the right direction and calmly move towards the goal.
Lera Nezabudkina, Elena Polyakova, specially for SHE